Session Report: The Horses Are Made Out of Bears
Campaign Date: July 15th, 1630 CE
Location: the Barrow of the Old King
Cast: Arcturus Avenza (Arc's Fighter) Hernando de Pieza (Nic's Fighter), Roda (Ross's Halfling), Mystery (Bill's Specialist), Peter the True XXVII (Peter's Fighter), Carjek, "Mind of Light" (Anders's Magic-User), Bemuk (Brady's Dwarf), Ferdinand (Chance's Magic-User), and three redshirt hirelings.
When last we left our murderhobo protagonists, they had witnessed a second member of their party die as a result of doing something they had previously witnessed killing a party member under the exact same circumstances. The body of Brady's Dwarf, Thelgus, was hauled out of the vision-inducing bone castle and removed to the safety of the party's wagon in order to plan a wake for him as an opportunity for debaucherous carousal.
A new Dwarf, Bemuk, appeared rather conveniently from the countryside, keen to replace Thelgus and claim his possessions and share of treasure. This was taken in stride, because Dwarfs come in handy. Still in search of the ring they had been sent to obtain, the party combed the rooms they had discovered so far. They had no success in finding secret doors or additional treasure, as they had so far picked the dungeon clean. They did carry off the gold-encrusted skeletons they had found prior, and investigate a gel-filled hole with a foot poking out of it in the jar room. They reckoned it had been left by a Corpse Lion and poked it until the jelly collapsed, plopping a partially decomposed body of a child onto the floor. The party was sad for a moment, but ultimately decided since the child had no treasure on it there was no real reason to care.
Spending even longer checking top to bottom in the dungeon, they eventually heard a quiet but soul-chilling wheeze and a scratching reminiscent of skeletal claws on the lid of a coffin. Searching for it, they traced it to the chariot room. Arc investigated the chariot, asking "What are the horses on the chariot made out of?" The Ref responded "The horses are made out of bears" in a deadpan and laconic manner, causing Arc to clam up and suffer the laughter of his fellow adventurers. Checking under the chariot next, he saw a bony hand raking at the underside of the chariot, seemingly unable to break through. After much strategizing by the party, Arc decided to ignore all of their fairly rational plans and just stand in the chariot. His weight caused the bottom to collapse, dropping Arc 10' down on top of the bony wight. Checking his encumbrance level, the Ref determined he would do extra damage, and the wight was pinned beneath him that round. Arc drew his pistol and fired into its face, and was surprised to see this was not enough to end the thing's second life.
Next round the wight raked at Arc, drawing 2 of his Constitution away with a chilling, soul-sapping touch, causing him to fall to a lousy 8 Constitution. Arc struck with his saber and rolled away, making room for others to jump down and assist him. As he stood, however, he noticed a large red stone within the chamber at about chest height, as well as several scorched Corpse Lion cadavers. He quickly learned what had induced their scorched state as the crystal emitted a blast of heat doing him a few points of damage. In the meantime Roda and Bemuk tossed a rope down the shaft and braced themselves, and Carjek rappelled down the rope with sword drawn, attempting to pin the wight again. He was unsuccessful, and was tossed aside. Hernando let off a shot down the hole, striking for a few points of damage, and Mystery drew an arrow and took aim.
In the following round the wight had no luck striking again, and was struck by a pistol shot from Roda as well as Mystery's arrow, ending the threat. Arc destroyed the crystal, avoiding further damage. Checking the body, they found it wore a circlet of bone on its head and the silver ring they were in search of on a finger. They amputated these appendages, unwilling to touch the artifacts directly, and decided to get the fuck out for the time being with the fairly decent amount of treasure they had found so far, planning to return later and plumb the depths of the dungeon for the remainder of its treasures, but to safely withdraw and stow the valuables they had found so far.