Blame the Catholics! (Sirenswail 7)

Date: November 5, 1640 
Location: London 
Main Cast: Shio the Acid-Burnout Alice, Gund the Amoral Magic-User, Salith the Cannibal Elf 
Cast: Helga of the Ulvenbrigaad, Harold the Mule

Previously: After a mostly unproductive break-in to Laud's prison chambers in the White Tower, the party kinda-sorta left Gund to solve his own damn problems. Gund dissolved the foundations of the Tower of London and legged it onto an escape gondola.

Presently: Aboard the gondola, the party took off as fast as Melvin, Shio's new boyfriend, could push. Because of the large amount of lead shot flying their way, that was pretty damn fast. Laying rubber on the Thames as one might do in ye Faste & Furiousse, they hit a rough patch of water. A capricious die condemned their second donkey, Seamus, Harold's new boyfriend, to tumble into the river. Only one boyfriend thus remained.

A protest was raised at the death of the innocent animal. Despite the tremendous child body-count, this was too far. Hasty research was done by phone to tell the Ref that donkeys were, in fact, excellent swimmers. Unswayed, the Ref justified its death via a two-pronged approach:

  1. The dice had spoken
  2. Because fuck you, that's why

The campaign lost its endorsement from the ASPCA, and things continued apace. Melvin skidded to the south shore, and the party took off into the crowded Southwark streets. Since the guards of the Southwark were not as mobilized as those of the Tower, they were able to lose them and make their way back to their ship and set off. 

It was at this point that the Ref had a brilliant idea to retcon (Ref-con?) that the exact date was November 5, the anniversary of the 1605 Guy Fawkes Gunpowder Plot. Semi-strict time records of the campaign were being kept, and now they were being subverted in the name of narrative resonance. What would Gygax think?

The trip back to Sirenswail was mostly uneventful, except for the discovery of a stowaway: a small Halfling girl named Alea-Beathu fleeing the landlord who smashed her parents before her eyes for a bad harvest (Halflings are miniature earth golems who tend the land in this campaign). She was meant to take their place, but took the first opportunity to escape instead. How she knew that the Island was a safe place is anybody's guess, but she offered informed consent to join the cult so that she could tend the earth productively in the name of Sarulia the harvest goddess. Since the party liked the cut of her jib, she was kept off the Dark-Haired Child Sacrifice list. 

Source: https://spacefjords.tumblr.com/post/184182267680/i-cant-stop-drawing-veth
Arriving back at the Island, the party set about their Haven turn diversions. Silver was spent on carousal to level up. Shio romanced her girlfriend and researched Alchemy using the hobbled dark-haired children as test subjects. Salith ate Melvin in the dark woods (with Shio's permission of course). Harold mourned his "side-piece" Seamus's death in the Thames and demanded a replacement boyfriend. Helga drank to excess. Gund continued upgrading his Laboratory, researching Tools of Monstrosity, and used Glass Earth in an attempt to recover his spellbook from the Tower of London, but was unsuccessful. The result was a Miscast which turned an entire field into glass and some fallout on Lord Marvale, whose leg was made lame by shattered spontaneously-generated glass.

Looking forward to hopefully more lucrative and less politically fraught adventuring opportunities, the party prepared to follow up on a strange rumor they had heard: a statue had mysteriously appeared in a cave in Ireland. 

Off to Ireland!

Other session reports available here

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