Session Report: Murderhobos? More Like Suicidehobos

Campaign Date: August 21, 1630 CE
Location: The outskirts of Scarborough, the surrounding countryside and the Barrow of the Old King
Cast: Hernando de Pieza (Nic's Fighter), Roda (Ross's Halfling), Mystery (Bill's Specialist), Peter the True XXVII (Peter's Fighter), Carjek, "Mind of Light" (Anders's Magic-User), Bemuk (Brady's Dwarf), Hans (Chance's Specialist), and Kelvin Roseman, a very disturbing animal trainer hireling.

After facing exile from Scarborough, where both the Ref and the party had thought they would be spending the foreseeable future enjoying lucrative questing opportunities, the party discussed their options.

Before setting out Hernando attempted to gain entry to the town, hoping to pick up the custom shield he had commissioned. Nic had been absent the session prior, was completely aghast at the party's ridiculous fuckup, and thought perhaps he could convince the guardsmen of his relative innocence. Unfortunately he rolled poorly for the guardsmens' reactions, and they called him a child murderer and refused him entry. He offered them his silver rosary, telling them to give it to Elyse's mother, which they took with an air of disgust and turned him away from the city.

To add to their misfortunes,  their animal trainer and a linkboy decided to leave in the dead of night, having a somewhat understandable aversion to the company of child-killing fugitives. One animal trainer remained. The party awoke in the middle of the night while they fled, and stopped them to have what must have seemed to them like a reasonable discussion, but what may have seemed to their former retainers to be a veiled threat- that they were welcome to go but must return the monthly wages they had been paid in advance. The two nervously agreed, eager to getteth the fuck out.

The remaining retainer, Kelvin Roseman (who takes rather poorly to any who would question or remark upon the masculinity of his last name), was glad to continue his services as long as the silver was good. The party flashed back to the previous haven turn, in which they remembered he had captured two stray dogs and forced them to fight to the death by tying them together by the collars, starving and cutting them, and tossing meat to fight over. It is a grisly lot who keep company with muderhobos.


There were no ready options in the way of urban hubs which they might relocate to, Scarborough, being rather far away from other large cities on the map. The towns they had previously visited, Abingdon, Rosewood and Harmstead, were also iffy as they lay within the boundaries of Hotham's barony. Things did not bode well for the party's investment in their partially built inn. The decision was made by a slim margin to return to the barrow in hopes of finding more treasure before moving on and starting again. Roda, Carjek, Hans and Peter were for the barrow, the rest against, leaving an even split until a convincing argument by Carjek and Roda tipped the scales by bringing Bemuk to their side.

On the road they had a third encounter with the unsettling crows on the edges of the forest, where they gathered as a single large group perched on a lightning-blasted crooked pine. Once again Peter wanted to catch one, and Roda and Kelvin (who they were keeping a bit of an eye on) worked together to tie and bait a snare. One of the crows circled, watching them, landed nearby, and walked calmly over to the trap. Just outside the snare it looked at the food, then directly at the party, and stepped calmly into the snare, almost as if it had known what would happen and chosen to be captured... but surely not, r-r-riight? It looked calmly at Peter with piercing blue eyes, giving him a slight nausea as he held it and tied it with rope to prevent escape.

Once again at the barrow, the party members who had voted to return went inside while the rest of them kept watch outside. Carjek, Roda, Hans and Peter ventured down through the secret passage once concealed by the chariot, moving carefully and mapping. They chose to go through a door to the west, where they found a hallway with several openings. Peter, Roda and Carjek went down a passage filled with regularly spaced, apparently man-made holes in the walls and floor and found that just around a bend at the end of the hall was a shiny, very valuable looking suit of armor trimmed with bearskin. Peter removed it. The Ref wanted to be very clear, and was told that, yes, all three of them wanted to stay clustered together in the hallway while Peter removed the armor. As he did, massive spikes sprang from the holes, because of fucking course they did, impaling all of them. Roda and Carjek failed saves, suffering instant death. Peter saved but suffered 16 damage, enough to kill him anyway.

A bit further back, at a reasonable distance, Hans heard the scraping of corpse lions and ran to the rope, rushing up it as his companions pulled from the top. He escaped, and the party began to formulate a plan. A plan to get revenge- not against the corpse lions, nor the death castle in the bad room, nor the terrible spikes; Nay, against the whole of the dungeon! They would see it rent stone from stone, and had in mind a way to do it.

To be continued...

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