Session Report: How to Have Your Pie and Get Away With Murder Too

Campaign Date: August 20, 1630 CE
Location: The city of Scarborough and the surrounding countryside
Cast: Hernando de Pieza (Nic's Fighter), Roda (Ross's Halfling), Mystery (Bill's Specialist), Peter the True XXVII (Peter's Fighter), Carjek, "Mind of Light" (Anders's Magic-User), Bemuk (Brady's Dwarf), Ferdinand (Chance's Magic-User), and a few thus far nameless hirelings.

This post is part 2 of an interlude between adventures. Part 1 is here .

After their fairly detailed investigation into the cause of the young girl Elyse's coma, the group set about trying to find some kind of solution. Many ideas were proposed at first, but the group settled rather quickly on the idea that they should find a way to get her out to a secluded area in which they would be free to cast a spell without fear of discovery. The spell they had in mind was Storming Through Red Clouds and Holocaustwinds. This sounded to the Referee, as it might to most reasonable people, like a fucking crazy idea, placing the life of the child in incredible danger for very, very little chance of any type of medical benefit. And yet, for some reason, 7 fine young men determined that it would be the best fucking course of action. What is going on with the youth these days?

To summarize the effects of the spell for those unaware, it creates a red mist which causes a bloodthirsty rage to all within its area of effect. Why, why, why did they think this was a good idea? Their rationale was that the irresistible rage would wake her from her coma and give her the strength to fight and hopefully persist beyond the effects of the spell. They did, at least, plan to restrain her and take her away from anything and anyone that could be hurt. While the rest of the group was planning this, Arcturus and Mystery explored the possibility of using Alchemy to cure the condition. Determining an appropriate concoction, they made arrangements through Quinn to order some. It was determined by random, secret roll that delivery of said herbs would take 16 days- rather too long to help the girl without other measures, but the players did not know this.

Having made their cunning plan, they persuaded her concerned, loving mother to allow them to move her from home. They told her and Quinn, the adviser to the Baronet who had enlisted their aid, that they knew of a ritual which could save her but which must be conducted in more natural surroundings. At first she agreed on the condition that she accompany them, but she and Quinn were persuaded to allow them privacy by a solemn oath, an ironclad guarantee, an immutable declaration that there was no chance of failure.

Prior to the ritual, the Ref rolled the relevant stats for Elyse. She had a whopping 3 points of Constitution which, while shitty for the players, was rather realistic given the circumstances, and 2hp. Our heroes set out for a clearing, tied her down and Ferdinand began casting his spell. The red mist settled above her body and seeped into her mouth and nostrils. Elyse attempted a save versus Poison  to see if her body's weakened immune system could withstand this foul physiologically and neurologically altering mist. Her save failed, immediately causing her veins to bulge, muscles to contort and blood to stream from her eyes, nose, mouth, and ears. Ferdinand freaked the fuck out, somehow surprised at this turn of events.

His next course of action was to cast Mistress of the Bleeding Sorrow, the blood control spell, in order to move the blood back within her body and attempt to resuscitate or at least stabilize her. He cast the spell and made a Medicine roll to attempt to navigate her bloodstream, and was successful despite only having a 1 in 6 chance, impressing the Ref and bringing a cheer from the table. Resuscitated, she had a few more rounds and a chance each round to make a save. Unfortunately, her next save failed, killing her again.

As one, the party became terrified of the consequences they might face. Roda the Halfling couldn't handle it and fucked off into the countryside to think about what he'd done. In defiance of karma, he had a heartwarming little interlude involving pie, whilst the rest of the party placed themselves in even more dire circumstances. They made a plan to fake an attack of some kind on her body, inflict some cosmetic injuries on themselves as well, and blame it on an animal or brigand. Ferdinand, perhaps afflicted by guilt, determined that he would sacrifice himself by using Summon to bring an abomination to devour him and inflict believable injuries on the girl. A withered, disproportionate corpse with cold, star-blue eyes blazing in its sockets and slimy rot-grub infested arms pulled itself up from the earth, crawling towards him and melting parts of his body with the foul mucus covering it. It opened its gaping jaws into what appeared to be a black hole, drawing Ferdinand into it while he was being devoured by grubs and dissolved. The party pulled his body out of the black hole, minus a leg, and killed the creature.

Meanwhile, Roda had gone on a journey to find and forgive someone who had betrayed him so he could lift the curse placed on him whilst carousing. He found a childhood friend who long ago had stolen a lucky coin he had found inside a stone cracked open by lightning. He forgave her and she told him that she had meant to return it but it had been taken by her alcoholic father and wasted on booze. Roda stayed the night and made a delicious Halfling pie from mint, herbs and juniper. Their friendship was restored, his curse was lifted, and they both had tasty pie.

The others returned with Ferdinand and Elyse's corpses and told Quinn and Sara the story they had concocted. They were summarily exiled from the city of Scarborough, escorted to the city limits, and told to consider themselves lucky they weren't hanged for causing the death of a poor young girl.

But hey, at least there was Halfling Pie.

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