Session Report: "We Found A Bunch of Cool Shit- All of Which We Immediately Put On Without Checking What It Does"

Campaign Date: August 23, 1630 CE
Location: The Barrow of the Old King
Cast: Hernando de Pieza (Nic's Fighter), Ferrn the Shepherd (Ross's Magic-User), Mystery (Bill's Specialist), Peter the True XXVIII (Peter's Fighter), , Bemuk (Brady's Dwarf), Hans (Chance's Specialist), and Kelvin Roseman, a very disturbing animal trainer hireling.

As his first action, Ross's shiny new Magic-User Ferrn used Arboreal Gallows, releasing multitudes of bloodthirsty strangler roots in the lower level of the dungeon while he and the party remained above, safe from the carnage. Secure in the knowledge that those vicious little bastards would just wreck the ever-loving shit out of everything down there, they set up camp. The party took watch shifts, set two campfires, erected horsicades (a previous adventure had blurred the distinction between horses and bears) and secured their wagon and horses inside the barrow structure.

A few hours into the first watch, Ross and Bemuk heard the sounds of the bear ranging nearby once again. Branches cracked in the distance, and they heard low growls growing nearer. They quickly woke up the rest of the party, who went into full alert and took defensive positions. A huge brown grizzly with strange white streaks ambled up, poked around, sniffed a pool of spilled lantern oil, and went off in the other direction. The rest of the night passed uneventfully.

Ferrn, Bemuk and Peter rose bright and early, ready for a full day of tomb plundering and hopefully not dying. Looking down the hole, they found no indication of things moving below, and ventured downwards. Heading down the passage in which the very obvious spike trap lay, Ferrn spent quite a long time using a greatsword to batter the spikes apart and clear a path. This important task completed, he and the others unceremoniously looted the corpses of their former characters. The new Peter took the old Peter's cool iron breastplate with bear fur shoulder pads and put it on. They also found the bodies of a few corpse lions and that of a small bear cub, their innards sucked out by strangler roots.

Aboveground, the others watched the barrow and were approached by a traveler, a woman in a rugged cloak carrying pelts. She told them she was a trader and had furs and herbs for sale, which was of great interest to Mystery due to her 5 in 6 Alchemy skill. She purchased leaves of a Gilead tree, purported to attract and allow communication with spirits, which she hoped to use to contact her dead sister. Arcturus bought a few fox pelts at a good price to sell later, and the woman went on her way. They spent the rest of their time hunting while their companions plumbed the dungeon further.

Moving on, Ferrn, Bemuk and Peter attached a torch to the end of Hernando's lance because they still did not own a 10' pole and went down another branch of the passage. Sticking their extendo-torch ahead of them, they noted that it grew strangely dark and gloomy down the hall. Ferrn used his Lore skill to determine that the darkness was indeed supernatural. Fuck that shit, he and Bemuk decided, and headed elsewhere. Exploring another branch off of the hallway they found several alcoves with damaged iron soldier statues. Bemuk was worried they had been damaged by battle and that they'd animate at any second, but they remained inert as they traveled down the hall into a large oval-shaped room. Several stone casks were placed haphazardly around the room. Ferrn slid the lid off of one and was assaulted by the sting of vinegar fumes. Further inspection revealed a trio of corpses tied together with golden cord. They kicked the cask over and chopped the thing's heads off, then removed the cord. Immediately the bodies sprung to life, flailing their limbs and squirting the foul mixture of vinegar and viscera within them about. It was swiftly dispatched by greatsword. Each of the other seven casks contained more lashed-together corpses and were dealt with in a similar fashion.

Also in the room was a hole which sloped down at a 45° angle for about six feet, which was filled with water. Ferrn, Bemuk and Peter considered the possibility of exploring the tunnel. Moments later a consensus of fuck that shit was reached and they explored other portions of the tomb. A series of interconnected, roughly dug circular rooms connected by passages revealed two smashed stone coffins filled with a strange grey slime and a cool spiky iron ring with a bear skull design which Bemuk put on without examining. Another narrow passage held a long iron lance with a ridged harpoon style tip, held by a mummified corpse and bearing an impaled corpse lion on its tip. Ferrn shot the corpse to be sure, which did not provoke a reaction.

Finally, the party was sure they had explored every option aside from the dark passage. They ventured into it, finding it to be a thick, hazy fog which made everything appear grayish and noticing that they were strangely incapable of blinking. Moving along, they found a small room with a well in the center and something suspended above it by a chain. Taking a closer look, it was a mace. Piqued but panicked, the two feared it might kill them and created a clever contraption with a rope and a lance, resulting in something akin to a dogcatcher's pole. Grabbing the mace they found themselves not dead, and took advantage of that fact to exit the dungeon.