Session Report: Face-Down In Pigshit

Campaign Date: August 24-30, 1630 CE
Location: Durham
Cast: Hernando de Pieza (Nic's Fighter), Ferrn the Shepherd (Ross's Magic-User), Mystery (Bill's Specialist), Peter the True XXVIII (Peter's Fighter), Arcturus Avenza (Arc's Fighter), Bemuk (Brady's Dwarf), Hans (Chance's Specialist), Inigo Pizaro (Anders' Fighter) and Kelvin Roseman, a very disturbing animal trainer hireling.

After exiting the Barrow of the Old King the party headed northward towards the city of Durham, where they hoped to set up a base of operations and perhaps head even further north to Scotland. There was debate about what was to be done with their investment in the still-in-progress inn back in Abingdon. The consensus among the party seemed to be that it was fucked and they should move on. A plan was suggested to head north and lead the Scottish south to conquer- the Ref was puzzled but admired the PCs' moxie. 

A few wilderness encounter rolls were made but the journey was uneventful. Arriving in Durham, the players sized up the city. They knew it had a large Catholic presence, being ruled by a powerful Prince Bishop named Thomas Morton. Of note was a fortress surrounded by a river on three sides and the large church, one of the most famous in England.

After taking a look around, Bemuk sought out a trader of trinkets. He found a weathered, somewhat grimy woman named Helena Drinkwater whom he asked about the 32 stone amulets from the tomb. She took a look and identified them as the mark of a warrior from an ancient tribe. When children were born their parents would bury a stone in the sacred river. When the child came of age and slew their first enemy, they would be allowed to claim a stone, which would be attached to a necklace to denote their status. While this sounded super cool, there isn't much of a market for semi-precious barbarian warrior necklaces, so she bought a half-dozen for the princely sum of 40 silver.

Inigo spent his time searching out rumors. Finding a couple of farmers done working for the day and enjoying a cup of ale on the side of the road, he overheard them talking about the danger of elves, who were disguising themselves and taking Christian children from their homes. While he found the rumor strange, the farmers seemed genuinely convinced of it. Having never met any elves, but knowing the legends of their filed teeth, trimmed ears, scars and flesh-eating ways, he wondered how effectively they could disguise themselves but filed the rumor away since it was not the first they had heard. Ferrn decided he had had enough of the ticking timebomb in the form of their sadistic animal trainer, Kelvin Roseman, and cast Lathspell, I Name You on him, causing him to be marked an outcast.

The next order of business was arranging a wake for their deceased characters, which offered an opportunity to carouse. Bemuk and Inigo engaged in this round of debauchery, while the others found themselves suffering a lack of liquid assets despite all their cool, possibly cursed swag. Bemuk awoke in his room, pitch black except for the faint blue glint of a pair of eyes. Lighting a candle, he saw it was the crow Peter had caught. There were claw marks at the window on both sides of the glass, and in the corner was cat that had been pecked to death and stripped of flesh. After a minor panic attack, he went about his day as normal.

Inigo, on the other hand, woke up face down in a massive pile of pig shit, with no memory of how he got there. There were signs of him tromping through various yards and climbing the pig pen's wall before it had broken, causing his fall. He rightly feared he would get some kind of disease, which a failed save versus poison confirmed. He found himself craving twice as much food as normal and yet wasting away, and consulted Hans, who diagnosed him with a tapeworm. A surgeon was hired, who performed a removal with a speculum and pair of extremely long tongs. It was a painful, traumatizing experience which no amount of liquor could numb.

Once Inigo had begun to heal, the party went seeking someone with whom they could arrange an elf-hunting job. They were pointed towards a man named Oswald, a sergeant of the guard. Looking for him, they were assumed to be seeking Oswald on behalf of some brokenhearted woman or other, an outstanding debt, or some such thing. During their search, they saw a gathering, which upon closer inspection was a mob beating Kelvin, who was bloodied and then dragged off to a dungeon. Returning to the task at hand, they found Oswald at his guardpost. He was atop an overturned table and brandishing a hatchet, surrounded by dice, half-eaten food, and silver pieces. Asking for a moment of his time, they withdrew to give him a bit to finish up collecting his winnings. After inquiring about the elf problem, they found themselves with a charter to hunt the mysterious menaces down, and set about planning how best to find and murder the shit out of them.