Longlegs Movie Review (No spoilers) w/ bonus Tainted Gifts table!

The most hyped horror movie of the year! I always say that we get ONE good one per year (admittedly I'm talking about pretentious indie "Elevated Horror") and I am, for the most part right. Perhaps I'll make a list someday, who knows?

I will talk only momentarily about the hype and how the film does in relation to it: I skipped the hype. I loved the first teaser trailer and when the second one that had more context and talking came out I tuned it out and avoided everything about the movie until it came out. This was the correct choice. Trailers are an art unto themselves and have a duty to do show and imply as much as they can while, crucially, not spoiling the movie, and the later trailers did not fully respect the film in that regard. The movie on its own merits is excellent. Not perfect, but satisfyingly creepy, immersive and dirty feeling. It channels Silence of the Lambs primarily, with Seven and Zodiac (more the actual historical events than the Fincher film) not far behind. It is thoroughly connected to the Satanic Panic of the 80s and 90s. I also found it to have a grungy Dirty Harry vibe. One might also connect it to Rosemary's Baby, though I think that influence is minor at best. The strongest connection, however, is to Perkins' own film The Blackcoat's Daughter, another dark Satanic Murder film with a quiet, ominous and opaque character to it.

Longlegs is a slow burn, a cliche phrase that nonetheless will let you know what you need to know to go in. As I said with The Blackcoat's Daughter, if you have seen that film, you will know more or less what to expect in regard to Longlegs' pace and tone. Conversely, it also frequently makes abrupt cuts, ending scenes without establishing anything clearly. This can feel as though the film might be artificially complicated by this technique and for those who prefer clarity it will likely be frustrating at times or even ruin the movie for you.

The film has a very small cast. If I had to estimate, there are 40 people or fewer on screen throughout the whole runtime. This contributes to the emptiness of the film, but undercuts some of the investigation and mystery. The Silence of the Lambs influence cuts short after the first act, and from there it pursues the Satanic murder angle throughout. Most people I've spoken to are disappointed by the way the film seems to drop the investigative angle, and I agree, though I think the film succeeds regardless.

I appreciate tone. Bleakness, specifically, immerses and fascinates me. Perkins is clearly in agreement with me. Even his most animate film, Gretel & Hansel, is reminiscent of a hybrid of Pan's Labyrinth and The VVitch that creates a very oppressive world for the main characters. Longlegs is no different from his others, and I believe that he has refined this aspect of his films to its best yet. This is also definitely the film's strongest suit. The setting, a terrifyingly empty 1990s in the full throes of religious panic, is well-conveyed without much "hey look at me I'm a period piece!" type of presentation that so many movies fall prey to.

The performances are generally good, though each of the main actors have a few moments that don't quite work, with the exception of Kiernan Shipka, who is haunting- notably, she was also in The Blackcoat's Daughter. I really enjoyed Maika Monroe's performance for the most part, especially the autistic coding of her character. She's an indie horror darling, so that's to be expected, though I think the writing of the film limits her character from her full potential. Nicolas Cage is stupendous, with only a few moments reminding you it's him under the makeup and prosthetics. The others are mostly well acquitted.

If you enjoy a tone of dread, creative cinematography and off-putting performances, you will likely enjoy Longlegs. Osgood Perkins continues his run of engaging, mysterious and haunting films, and has proved that he can tell a story which will present a challenge and ultimately a satisfying sense of discovery, and to an extent, corruption.

Hail Satan!

600/666

 Bonus Gameable Content: d10 Tainted Gifts


d10

Tainted Gift

1

An elegant silver ring depicting an esoteric holy symbol. Magical identification implies it casts  Commune, Bless, and Augury. It is cursed and cannot be removed, and tightens each day if the wearer does not pray daily to the dark force it represents until it cuts off the finger completely, after which the ring burrows into the stump like a sort of signet ring. If it is used to stamp or seal a scroll, it imbues it with the spell Command.

2

A golden figurine of a caged songbird. It can be blown like a whistle to create beautiful birdsong. At night it leaves its cage, laying tiny diamond eggs which hatch into maggots and burrow into any available food.

3

A finely carved tiger eye cameo pendant on a chain of fine bone links. It is unbreakable. When worn it spreads enticing thoughts to the wearer that others covet or fancy them and that they should reciprocate them, doing favors and giving gifts until they are penniless and entwined in twisted knots of social drama.

4

A spherical green glass bauble, filigreed with golden decorations. It is relentlessly enticing to play with, and makes its true nature known only when its owner faces extreme hunger or starvation. It manifests a vision of 

extravagant delicacies within, forcing a save each day to resist breaking it to eat what is inside. It is delicious and nourishing, curing and satiating hunger for a fortnight, but is equivalent to eating shards of glass.

5

A decorated diadem of black wire and light blue gemstones. It gives a +1 bonus to persuasion rolls, but gradually makes the wearer’s hair wriggle out and squirm away, burning a silhouette of itself into the wearer’s cranium over the course of 10 persuasion rolls. The wearer is ignorant of this as it happens except in the recurring dreams the diadem inflicts.

6

A black and pink spotted teacup pig with oddly human eyes. It makes an excellent familiar, and must be hand-fed candied dried grain. It always gently nips the fingers, and its owner must make a daily save versus Magic when feeding it to avoid chopping off bits of their fingers to appease the adorable creature, which wears small streaks of blood on its snout that will never wash off.

7

An ostentatious box of many-colored taffy-like candies. They are irresistible, making it hard to sleep through the night without eating them. They melt into a fatty, buttery mass of warm, satisfying sweetness that fills  the mouth, running messily, and impossible to swallow. It requires a full waterskin to keep down, but no amount of willpower can resist it. They are jealously guarded and cannot be shared. Anyone seeing them being eaten feels the urge to vomit, and they cause the eater’s skin to break out into oozing cysts with the same buttery texture that can only be cured through magic.

8

A quill pen that writes on command, translating every word into eloquent and persuasive prose in any language the user desires. For each page it writes, it also records a page of the user’s secrets and shames, which blow  away in the wind each night unless they are destroyed by fire and doused in holy water.

9

A trinket box filled with perfumes and cosmetics. They give off a subtle noxious smell, attracting insects and vermin, and are beauteous to common folk but unsettlingly revolting to nobility.

10

A gorgeous painted hardwood harp which plays itself on command. If unattended its strings peel free to move the harp as something akin to insect legs or flagella, and plays the Devil’s Music in the night.



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