Haha, I found you, Illuminati spambots! You thought you could hide in Sweden, eh? (w/ bonus monster!)

The saga of the Illuminati chat bots continues. Like, a lot... Oh, and I guess they're coming from Sweden on Macs running Firefox according to my analytics, at least right now. Generally they're Polish or Ukrainian on Unix. If anybody knows how to stop this traffic, let me know. Unless it algorithmically benefits me, of course. I wouldn't know, I'm a satanic warlock, not a computerist.

By playing into their keyword optimization or whatever the fuck it is that they do, I have progressively escalated their engagement with the blog such that I semi-regularly get 1,000 views in a week just from bots offering membership to the Illuminati. As always, I urge you not to click their links or call their WhatsApps, not that you would. 

Anyway, no more! I'm putting a captcha on comments, which I'm opposed to as a slight nuisance to humans but I'm tired of deleting these duplicate Illuminati comments (I keep the unique ones for entertainment value). Thus, I shall excise them. 

In the meantime, as usual, I shall use them for inspiration and give you an NPC in return for reading my rambling. And since this is my final engagement with the bots, I'll throw in a bonus monster! Any of you with similar problems, I encourage you to roll with it, at least for a little while. Tamas Kisbali of Eldritch Fields has done it, and he's a cool dude.

Wikimedia Commons // CC by SA 3.0Grootslang

An African monster, the name coming from Afrikaans (an anachronism from the 19th century, but so awesome sounding it must be used) which was a combination of snake and elephant. It was so powerful, the gods had to separate it into two separate beasts! Cool!

Grootslang Armor as plate Move 60' (slither/swim) HD 5-12 (48 HP) Constrict 1d12 or Bite 1d10 ML 10

The eyes of the Grootslang are diamonds worth 500sp each per HD.

 Disclaimer: I am not familiar with African mythology, and don't want to do it injustice but I did a little bit of research and ultimately I am just assigning stats to a thing for a game for free on a blog. Hopefully not culturally appropriative or insulting... but if so, let me know and modifications will be made.

Comments

  1. Tom HFebruary 11, 2023 at 11:37 AM

    Ah no, I just thought my blog was popular in Sweden! Glad I came, for the monster.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Red FFebruary 12, 2023 at 6:10 PM

      Glad you like it! It's not much, I usually go more lengthy and complex but sometimes it's nice just to have a beefy, strange looking monster without having to think of a lot of abilities.

      Delete

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