Blood, Death, Satan & Metal

The saga of the Illuminati chat bots continues. Like, a lot... Oh, and I guess they're coming from Sweden on Macs running Firefox according to my analytics, at least right now. Generally they're Polish or Ukrainian on Unix. If anybody knows how to stop this traffic, let me know. Unless it algorithmically benefits me, of course. I wouldn't know, I'm a satanic warlock, not a computerist. By playing into their keyword optimization or whatever the fuck it is that they do, I have progressively escalated their engagement with the blog such that I semi-regularly get 1,000 views in a week just from bots offering membership to the Illuminati. As always, I urge you not to click their links or call their WhatsApps, not that you would.  Anyway, no more! I'm putting a captcha on comments, which I'm opposed to as a slight nuisance to humans but I'm tired of deleting these duplicate Illuminati comments (I keep the unique ones for entertainment value). Thus, I shall excis...

Date: November 5, 1640   Location:  Sirenswail, Irish countryside, County Kerry, Ireland Main Cast: Shio the Acid-Burnout Alice, Gund the Amoral Magic-User, Salith the Cannibal Elf , Reynault the Fighter Supporting Cast: Helga of the Ulvenbrigaad, Harold the Mule   Previously: Our heroes destroyed the foundation of the Tower of London and fled the London guard in the style of Ye Faste & Furiousse by Thames gondola, returning to the safety of Sirenswail where they rested and spent a Haven turn. They set out in search of a mysteriously appearing statue in a cave in Ireland.   Presently: Traveling across the Irish countryside of County Kerry, the party traveled mostly without incident aside from the appearance of a red fox, which they attempted to follow but lost in the forest. This troubled them, seeming an ill omen of some sort to their minds. Gund was particularly bothered. Helga was like "whatever I'll kill it with my axe if it's a problem" and Harold was all l...

It's probably the most played module of all time: the in-box adventure for the Basic sets, one of the foundational text of the OSR and the model for open-ended gameplay. I've played it (DCC), run it myself several times in both B/X and "the current version of the world's most popular fantasy roleplaying game" as of the time of this writing. I think I've figured it out. And I think it's brilliant. No one in the OSR is surprised by this take. You've likely played it yourself, perhaps even in multiple campaigns as I have. So why read about it? Because it has endless potential. It is the gold standard of "easy to grasp" while also holding plenty of challenge and possibility. It's great as a low-prep campaign starter and feels just open and empty enough to fill in with your own locations and encounters while also feeling like the PCs can find all sorts of cool things to do if they're willing to spend some travel time. I am currently runnin...

  Praise the D30, cyclopean chthonic orb, grandest of the dice. Accept this offering of rituals, and blessed be thy rolls. This table has weird summer-flavored customs, celebrations and rituals for pagans or cultures with remnants of ancient beliefs.  Results are in order of escalating weirdness. Depending on what you want, use the following: d10 for fairly mundane/realistic results d20 for weird resultsd 30 for trauma, fear and sacrifice Should you enjoy this table, I have others... Rituals of Spring Rituals of Autumn   Rituals of Winter d30 Ritual 1 Wildflowers are planted into thatched roofs 2 The able-bodied embark on a hunt for the greatest beast. The victor  receives tribute from the village until the next summer when the hunt  begins again. 3 Young folk wrestle livestock. Victors claim the animals as their own. 4 Children lead prisoners in dances. Those who follow the child’s  instructions satisfactorily are freed. 5 Boasting comp...

Tales of the Scarecrow is a short horror-themed adventure that is compatible with OSR games. It’s location based, and makes for a very solid “bottle episode” type of one-shot. Characters will find themselves in a small farmhouse, trapped inside a cornfield which holds a terrifying scarecrow and countless eldritch tentacles in a Hateful 8 meets Tremors kind of adventure. Now how can you use this thing and make it shine? Read on… 1. Take notes: While this adventure is brief and clear in its writing, it is not laid out in the typical A-B-C style making it somewhat difficult to find information by its physical location. Having the info sorted in this manner will help at the table. The At-A-Glance Referee aids give a quick visual overview of the external features of the farm and a table with a brief summary of the appearance and contents of the interior locations. This information is not intended to replace the text of the adventure, but page references are included to help find more in-d...

Date: November 5, 1640   Location: London   Main Cast: Shio the Acid-Burnout Alice, Gund the Amoral Magic-User, Salith the Cannibal Elf   Cast: Helga of the Ulvenbrigaad, Harold the Mule Previously: After a mostly unproductive break-in to Laud's prison chambers in the White Tower, the party kinda-sorta left Gund to solve his own damn problems. Gund dissolved the foundations of the Tower of London and legged it onto an escape gondola. Presently: Aboard the gondola, the party took off as fast as Melvin, Shio's new boyfriend, could push. Because of the large amount of lead shot flying their way, that was pretty damn fast. Laying rubber on the Thames as one might do in ye Faste & Furiousse , they hit a rough patch of water. A capricious die condemned their second donkey, Seamus, Harold's new boyfriend, to tumble into the river. Only one boyfriend thus remained. A protest was raised at the death of the innocent animal. Despite the tremendous child body-count, this was to...

Date: Early fall 1640 Location: London Main Cast: Shio the Acid-Burnout Alice, Gund the Amoral Magic-User, Salith the Cannibal Elf Supporting Cast: Helga of the Ulvenbrigaad, Harold the Mule Previously: With a minimum of planning and the overconfidence that powerful magic items bring, our heroes quickly found themselves trapped in the Tower of London and Gundisalvus captured on the roof. Presently: Salith and Shio, in the prison chambers of Archbishop Laud, poke around. The twitching bodies held by massive iron bands to slabs were of surprisingly little interest to them- puzzling the Ref, but hey, these PCs been through some shit , so whatever. A chest was of somewhat more interest, and when inspected it seemed to have some kind of blurred field around it, as well as the materials being petrified and rusted. That seemed like too much trouble. The Archbishop was the objective, and they wanted to expedite things in order to maybe rescue Gund or at least escape. Salith removed the ring...

It is known that I like to reduce miscellaneous rolls and mechanics to their approximate d6 equivalents. The foundation for this is the elegance of the LotFP d6 skill system , which I think is memorable, minimal, and hackable. So far, I have turned saving throws into d6 skills that can be improved by Specialists and downtime training and even a unified d6 single saving throw inspired by Swords & Wizardry . Morale is ripe for adaptation as well- even though it's determined with a 2d6 bell curve, the chances align rather similarly. It could go quite nicely with the d6 Save versus Death for Chainmail style combat , also. Not perfectly, mind you, but with a deviation of about 8% at most, which is right in the middle of the 16.66% gradations of a d6 roll. Is it a worthwhile price to pay? I think so- the more things that can be condensed into similar mechanics, the better for use at the table. And why do we really need 12 individual gradations of Morale, when the MM usually assi...